closure/newyork/ross/mistake/learn

05.09.02back& forth
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i finally got up the nerve. i'm so glad. thank you, you.

me: why the fuck did you like me, if you even did, silly kid
him: i did, b/c i guess we had more in common than say me and some of the other girls, you weren't stuck up but you know some of the other girls were (not meghan or julie or ashley or lindsay but some of the other ones), you were good to talk to, and goodlooking too. so um yeah.
him: oh there's this one thing i felt guilty about so i guess now would be a good time to tell, but after the pirates of carribean thing (which wasnt my idea) we were all outside and taking group (not whole group, just who we were with) pictures in front of the castle, and when they took the picture with your camera i purposely looked away (with my eyeballs not head) which was a pretty childish thing to do but you know i was feeling all rejected sort of but i shouldnt have
him: **awkward silence**
me: you always were the best to talk to. i still have that picture. i felt guilty about not hugging you at the airport. im sorry about poc. someone in math yesterday was talking about it &yeah. while we
him: its okay about poc and everything :-) i was a little :-( at the time but i got over it (not in the way that someone who gets dumped hates their ex, but in the way that i accepted just being friends) but you were still great to talk to.
him: it was somewhat funny in some sort of way how people thought for awhile that we were like a couple or something when we werent really and we both knew that we werent

i guess we always were good at fooling others. each other, more.

(followupquestions: whose idea was poc/ what the hell happened in paris)

a little bit later:

him: hey
me: hey you
him: its funny now im trying to study napoleon but i keep getting sidetracked my mind is like napoleon...hmmm....napoleon's tomb....katie

&that tore my heart.
he will be the train i never caught.
the chance i didn't take.
the one i pushed away.
(the memory of what could have been....a reminder to not follow that path again)

I WONT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE


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