oldies make me smile &remember how it was the only music i listened to from about first through fifth grade. then i gave into society [yeah yeah yeah] and listened to things like usher &that 'can i get a...' song. then i got tired of the radio and you and everyone. fuck you, ray. thanks for the smiles and nicewords but. why do people say things they dont mean? it just leads to shit and diary entries full of anger and bitterness. and thats a whole lot of fucking joy.

sometimes when i can't say the right things, i say other things. maybe about me, maybe about you, maybe about things i love or maybe about things i don't. sometimes i need to be reminded that silence (can be) is the best answer.

don't you dare judge me or i'll kick yr ass so hard you won't know what hit you - or that it came from me.

blind stupor [and guess what buddy, i'm laughing at you]. remembering sixth grade hotshots who are now reverenced with a drunken recklessness i am glad i am watching from the sidelines. its an experience, but now its time to dance in the puddles and bathe in the sun because everything will be okay as long as i say it will be. [i'll pretend i know what i mean].

you're somebody important to me. and i will always, always, be rooting for you. ps - christmas was wonderful. thanks for the kind words &well wishes. things like that make me smile. i could try to be angry &bitter about things {wouldnt be too hard}... there are always things to bitch about. nothing goes perfect perfect perfectly like you thought and practiced in the mirror of yr mind five thousand times. and to the passebys: isnt it more interesting to laugh about the bad {cause it hurts so bad theres nothing left to do} and smile about the good? iknowso. will you [you you you] help me pick out pretty things? i'd like that very muchly. i love _________. and that's the fucking end.


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