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01.06.02back&
forth
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and there was screaming, and slamming of doors. of running and then slumping, quiet, sitting, back exposed to the cold, hard floor. outward bound feelings - never getting warm, never being finished, never reaching anything. the wind chilled me, tried to calm me down. there was hysterical laughter and sobbing. throwing of cups, doors (again), and words. of one pushing anothers buttons, expecting a nice calm reponse from one with no sleep and little patience. unacceptable, she says. respect, she says. anger, anger, anger. that is still in my heart. tuning out, not listening, being told to speak louder. dont pull an alvarez on me, trying to get me to speak louder but never hearing me. you want me to speak up. to FUCKING speak up. what the hell do you think i've been doing. i just can't keep writing this anymore. i've never gone so ballistic in my life.
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