sorry sweetheart, what about the THRRRRRREEE books im looking for that ARENT those. oh yeah. yeah. that's right. shut yourt mother fucking mouth. haha. i cant believe i just typed that. it is all the rap influence from two four hour car rides. ps - and i know ps means postscript but i like to be rebellious, didnt ya know. if anyone can find the audio cassette's WordBuilders (theyre vocab tapes! ha. i love them.) online, i will have a new found respect for this.

ten minutes later, a few computer searches later, i find FIC SAL listed. you couldnt have um, pointed me upstairs to fiction. then again, i thought, it is my own fault that i don't know where the fiction is.

i sat looking up at the trees with my back on the bookshelf, hidden. i spent seventh period reading the laughing man, a short story in his nine stories. ninth period i read 'down at the dinghy' and most of 'for esme - with love and squalor' but started falling asleep one the 'squalid' part of the latter began. i can barely keep my eyes open now.

its funny to think that people at school know who i am. i mean, people will just approach me in the library downstairs or when im walking or sitting and today this girl i never talk to in my grade was like hey katie.

hahaha. i loved selling hamburgers after school for VSO. i took over the condiments & everytime someone would buy one, nathaniel would sayyyy 'condiments???!!!' and id hold out mini 'fancy ketchup' and mustard packets from mcdonalds ala vanna white. i laughed so much. seniors are so much fun.

i saw someone today. about twice. she has cute glasses. she grew up, a lot. i saw her with her friends. it's so .... odd. but normal.

i no longer have classes with idiots; they are filled with people who CARE. the only class i can have with sophomores is english. which is my favorite subject so id never let anyone ruin it for me. i thought this yr would be 'ruined' but i love it now. its such a.... relaxing class.

i talked to my chem teacher about my english project. im going to do linus pauling. he's interesting. and i thought dr king didnt like me, but when i was in english yesterday, he was in the little window on the door and he stuck his tongue out at me. i laughed.

i always come back to the same thing: laughing makes me feel better. smiling makes things tolerable.

{"Mary Jane. Listen. Please," Eloise said, sobbing. "You remember our freshman year, and I had that brown-and-yellow dress I bought in Boise, and Miriam Ball told me nobody wore those kind of dresses in New York, and I cried all night?" Eloise shook Mary Jane's arm.} "I was a nice girl," she pleaded, "wasn't I?"


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