details in a jar

03.16.02back& forth
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i tried to write why, some kind of explanation but there is no other way to phrase it.

i watched a stephen hawkins movie & wore pajama pants to school & felt inclined to fall asleep but it was actually interesting and thought provoking. about time and the universe and just b.e.i.n.g

i dont have time to just be. & thats the end/ or like the inner conflict i'm always debating, the beginning.

to all the you know who you are's (i hope i've let you know just how much i appreciate you: you. you. you!).... there is too much to say. and that whole time thing. yeah. no time and no big crunch or bang, just a forward not reverse mess of chemical reactions.

i cant wait until the summer and blue sky and the keys - where i haven't been for too long and really can't breathe without being there.

i'm choking myself and not doing what i need to do and writing about how i am is just making it worse. i guess that's what i'm trying to say, as i ponder how i fooled everyone into thinking i am always happy and productive and in a good mood. like madeline's nun said once "something is not right."

there i'll be, trying to make myself and my grades and my body right again. (and it took a long time to say that)

//love. katie, better also known as girl101.


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