then today, walking with bags clutched scrunched up trying to breathe when there's nothing to protect you {me} from yourself {myself}

staring at the red bricks and yellow leaves, thinking .. this {he} isnt the train i want to catch.

i'm starting to think i only like 'the chase.' but then. maybe its because i cant respect someone who tries to use me to justify themselves. i dont cheat and i dont like it. i dont like the idea of being poisoned by someone's ideas prematurely {ie cliftnotes&such}. im not trying to convince you, but im not condoning your bullshit either.

i'm not a device.

its funny though. he sits really close to me now more than ever and leans close to me and today in the library with wood tables and sunshine it really felt like he wanted to kiss me. and it made me nervous in the get the hell away from me way, almost like this.

and that comparison, ofcourse, makes me think.

i don't think i'd mind terribly if he likes me. that might be okay.

so, okay.

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