the feeling it/s a lot of oysters, but no pearls

09.13.02back& forth
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let/s outline some nice things, bc i/m tired of feeling like everything sucks.

-listening to rachel. she/s so funny, so much like her sister. i was filled in on goings on with graduates and she is just so. cool. so sitting outside at our usual tables, i guess was ok. ok because she came over and talked to andrew and i got to listen. it was just kind of nice to hear a different voice.

-getting to know alisha a lot better. yesterday and today we sat all of eigth period and talked talked talked. we sat on the benches and talked about politics and college and good things. i like seniors, in general. mostly anyone not my own age. and she/s so interesting.

-hanging out with christine, even if it/s just walking to classes. she/s a cool chick (see how school is affecting me...) even though she/s into name dropping and making sure i know who she/s best friends with. yeah ok. but it/s fun cause when i was walking to my car she gave me a hug and shared her gelatto. she/s neat.

-after feeling like complete shit and having no one to do stuff with and not feeling motivated enough to try or care (so i can/t complain), i went down to the athletic offices to get a copy of the swim roster for my mom. i ended up staying for an hour and a half hanging out with antonio, who is the coolest. if i say something quietly he/ll always be like what/d you say katie. and it/s sincere. and then i got to hang out with jess and liz and erequita and i love those girls. jess was feeling pretty down and we walked and talked. then i walked up to get my bag and the huuuuuge history of art book and i talked to chippy for twenty minutes, just about school and good things. he/s so funny. he still calls me bob.

-getting the history of art book from dahlins. besides manny who i talk about spanish with, there is just one boy in my art class. he/s a freshman and doesn/t say a word. so yesterday i was like, h-ey how come you never say hi to me? &etc. and today we/d give each other smiles at the pencil sharpener and right when he saw me he was like -hi- realfast and it was so cute.

-yesterday me and tia irene and mom went shopping. found something to wear to the breakfast tomorrow at zara and a cute shirt to go out in (plans with the boy this weekend!), then me and tia irene stayed at i got the most comfortable pants and two shirts for school. i love being with her so. much. so so so much <3

-just little things like being social and always saying hi to franco (the new kid from the dutch carribean. rock on) and just trying to be me. and i got to talk and walk with mac to our cars and he was asking about me driving and my cell phone rang and oh, it was just fun. he/s a cute kid, and he/s christian. which is just n-i-c-e, since i/m in fca now and the entire rest of my school is atheist or nonpracticing somethingelse. i miss having like<3 kids around. speaking of which, patrick called me at 12:12 last night, thinking i was his mom. he hit me and it felt like a kiss.. i/ve had those words in my head all day.

i caved. we ended up talking for hours. he talked -- A LOT. oh i just heard the rain on the skylights <3rain<3. i need to stop saying i dont know and being so confusing. i/m so weird and i don/t really know why he wants to do stuff with me, but it/s nice. also, weird because he never gets near me.

writing this has made me feel better about everything. i feel like i/m going to die very soon, like it/ll be some Blast and it/s scary and irrational. i keep thinking if i was on a plane with one phone call.... all the people i would want to call and tell them how much i care.

so i/m starting to do that, little by little.

and that/d even though the world is going to hell [buy a beach property and watch the world go to hell has been on my mind lately, and then hearing antonio talk about hawaii... i/m ok, i have my beach property 2x and watching the world go to hell is my specialty [thanks ap goc, thanks.]; changing gears cause it/s unreal and intangible -- far away. but florida/s in the national news twice; this is going to be written in history books.




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