"I've been careless with a delicate man...and it's a sad, sad world when a girl will break a boy just because she can...All I need is a good defense cuz I'm feelin' like a criminal...and I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against cuz he's all I ever knew of love." - Fiona Apple

because she talking about him. even with the 'cuz' it doesn.t matter. how can he not love her. of course he does. she can have him whenever she wants. jealous? i don.t know. more just upset that she can do that to him. that i can.t? i don.t think so. it makes me sad for him, but and because he likes her a lot, i think, so i don.t know. this is me telling myself to let it be. let it be. i wrote this last line before all of this, and with all these words, and the nervous way the whole thing makes me feel just...stupid, for lack of a better adjective that can fulling describe the way this situation makes me feel. always in the way, an interruption. i just love his voice and words. loved. it.s like in punchdrunklove when they.re walking out of dinner to the car and the music is a symphony. it always felt like symphonies with him, even it was just a walk to the car or hello. but en fin.

i would just like to be the girl that he could come talk to about things, even her. i.ve gotten to the point where i just don.t feel symphonies anymore, which is probably why i feel so weird about it in the first place. falling out of love at this volume. and i guess it.s just...awkward maybe? but he won.t come to me, and he won.t come to anyone, and that.s just the way it.s going to be, i think. because if i let this go, if i don.t call about the ring or go up to the soundbooth or say hello first, then..... this is up to him now. and this will be in print, and it means a lot: "turned this all back into his hands with her silence. a unexpected viewpoint and new horizon line"

the end to this story. the end.


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