because it/s every minute still

01.31.03back& forth
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"You start out life with a clean slate. Then you begin to make your mark. You face decisions, make choices. You keep moving forward. But sooner or later there comes a time when you look back over where you have been... and wonder who you really are." - The Wonder Years

reading quotes from the wonder years and thinking of tv in black and white, of bewitched and gilligan's island, of the cheers theme song, brings everything back. visual images of the screen, the characters, their expressions. my memory doesn.t seem to reach out beyond the 11 by 17 or whatever the parameters where. like a photograph, i am standing just outside the borders. you can.t see me, but my eyes are still blinking from the flash -- a quick recovery into the world, still seeing spots.

memories. when i used to come home. being little and remembering (really) only by the stories they tell me or the words i wrote, scrawled in one of the many diaries under lock and key that i never really wrote in anyways, once every couple months because i.d lose interest or the key. i remember being angry, slamming doors, putting a bouncy ball behind the toilet in the elegant half bath in the middle of our house, so that after rudeness i was sent there, i would be Entertained. i remember pushing a girl in my pool, and we weren.t friends anymore after that. i remember walking along the path and liking a boy so much that i couldn.t bear to walk by him on the sidewalk that connected the classes in our third grade wing. i remember not being able to see the spelling words on the chalkboard, i can still see the image od of the blurred words clearly [hm; smiles] and remember just where i was sitting, just which classroom. i remember getting braces and glasses, and me and eve had the same kind; big and round and very cool. i remember i used to sit at the table with the boys, i can still see them. i remember wearing a sports bra for the first time and being videotaped as we walked down the hall. i remember smelly socks and my fifth grade math teacher, who used to put his up on the table to make us cringe.

i remember paste from kindergarten. i remember reading all the little house in the prarie books in first grade, and then every consequent spinoff novel. [my life in literature.] i l-o-v-e-d to read. i read all the nancy drews, and the baby sitters club books, but i liked the specials, like when they went to california and things like that, because they were longer and more sophisticated. i couldn.t get enough of books. i read ramona quimby & all those, ohhh what else.

i remember stages, i remember moments, i remember details, i remember people, and how they changed, how i changed and how our relationships changed. i remember how they made me feel.

but growing up? i couldn.t tell you when. -----------------
xox,
katiewhatsherface
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this message will now self destruct. {just like you&i}


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