hello world

03.30.06back& forth
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i was just thinking, it's pretty awesome that my first boyfriend & i are such amazing friends like 6 years later. props to us. / there are jewels here, the skyline everynight, driving with the windows down the cool air the colors of the sunset and that feeling that everything is just right, that feeling that this is exactly where i want to be. and that feels so incredible satisfying, and peaceful, and satiating./ right now i am listening to a death cab song, and it's so reminiscent. not too many weeks ago, i was crying myself to sleep everynight, listening to that playlist of beautiful songs that somehow calmed me down, let me breathe and love every single memory associated with those songs - with my friends, with loves, with myself, in so many different places and time. and i would listen to plans everynight,

you may feel alone when you're falling asleep and everytime tears roll down your cheeks, i know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet, someday, you will be loved... the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams.

these lyrics reminds me of my dorm room and my bed and looking out the window to the fading gold lights and the north carolina woods and fall leaves and just listening to everything settling.

there is so much meaning in these songs for me. and in two weeks, i will be ten feet from the band, listening to death. cab. for. cutie. play the soundtrack to my life for the third time in north carolina, standing next to my friend who would come into that same room with my pink sheets and my warm covers and my twenty pillows and watch tv with me and wake me up and laugh with me. and i will see all my favorite characters-- my boy who would come into my room blackout drunk and profess his love, wake me up in the afternoon spooning me and telling me stories i'll sleep in the greenery, with my too cool for you best friend who is so beautiful and fucked up and amazing. we'll smoke a lot and drink a lot and catch up a lot and have SOOOOOOO many dance parties to the greenery mix. hip hop and 80s and la bouche. and this just makes me smile so much/

just that image of walking around campus and the arches and the stones and running into people i know and visiting my loves and going to the art museum and relay for life and sooooo many good things.

ahh! i am so excited to see my friends and be at duke and just be comfortable with everything. ahhhh life. so sweet and so good some times.

/--and lyrics, lyrics - because those memories of sleepless nights are not so far in the distance, sometimes i just stop and think, wow, i have come so far. this is aaaaaamazing. i sleep at night and am awake all day and feel rested and have lots of energy, i'm interning at a prestigious law firm that is full of interesting and hilarious people, i like my job and i'm getting paid a lot of money to do something i actually enjoy, i am finding peace and happiness, i am going on exciting travel adventures soon, i am moving forward in so many exciting directions. and i am being good to myself, i am listening and not taking shit from anyone and loving myself./


so. that's an update :)


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