my arms are jittery from the moment i wake up, a headache and the muscle tension throughout in my body after working out three days in a row. my vision is extremely sharp and it takes all my strength to pull myself out of dreams and warm sheets, to stumble into the day a few hours past noon.

they swing in and pick me up. i spend more and more and more money. thousands and thousands of dollars, and it all just exhausts me. designer sunglasses, six pairs of shoes, cardigans and looking at what bags i want to carry my textbooks in.

i can't take this 'double screen' world anymore. on my computer & watching tv at the same time. my brain is saying no more. no more no more no more. take a break.

and here's my break. i'm really going to do what those counting crows lyrics have been telling me all these years - take a holiday in spain. barcelona here i come. egypt- nile river cruise, luxor, cairo, pyramids... a tour entirely in spanish. then back to barcelona and madrid for tapas, afternoons in europe, things i can only imagine back in that beautiful part of the world.

and thousands more on a new macbook, delicious red ipod video nano, office software, wireless mouse, applecare...

and websites open with burberry scarves and rain boots, gucci & dolce earrings, more longchamp bags and i can't take it anymore.

this is screaming this is screaming. i still have my entire apartment to take care of - i want it to be beautiful and feel like home. looking at comforters and duvet covers, pillows and accessories that will frame this new life.

i thought i left on wednesday, but instead i leave on thursday. that extra day will really help me - hopefully a few things will come in the mail by then, relieve a little of this anxiety, and i can work on all the things i still have to do.

oh life. i am so excited for everything, and so exhausted by it at the same time.


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