half truths

08.29.09back& forth
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i miss you so much i don't even understand it. we are so many years removed, but i can still replay all the major and minor moments of our relationship. the things we stayed up so late talking about, the things we meant with kisses, fingers encircling lips and your hands everywhere. just writing this, i can feel a tightening in my chest, something not unlike the nervousness of butterflies driving to your house or knowing you'd be at my doorstep.

sometimes when i'm really feeling sorry for myself, i even miss the ambivalence of feeling with you sometimes - i never knew quite where we stood, never knew exactly what i meant to you. i remember things now that make me cringe, moments of embarrassment that was me being sixteen and naive. but for you, and incarnations of you-- i'm different now.

so promise not to promise anymore, and if you come around again then i will take the chain from off the door.


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