i feel better than i thought i would, if that makes sense, i said yesterday.
and i mean that in the best way.

and well, the ring is beautiful. baby's first platinum. it is perfect. and so insanely sparkly.

*

we ate breakfast at our place, in jeans and a grey and white striped v neck, cotton scarf, boots. very date like. i tried not to get upset that they didn't have skim milk, i went next door and bought almond soap, i caught pokemon and tried to just let it be, let it be. tried to be the same morning person i am, tried to just keep being me knowing It Was Today. we bought umbrellas because we lost all of ours. i tried on lilly dresses in the middle of winter. half of my closet is too big now, my summer dresses fit great, but all the wrong season for december 1 in DC. he was laughing with me, at my fashion show, trying to pick a coat, trying to not tell me and also make sure i was safe and warm and comfortable. gentle reminders of when we needed to leave. it was so much love.

'i wanted to take you to the place where we almost didn't happen, but we had faith in each other.' we had faith in each other, and found each other.

a week ago: i woke up in a ring panic. i lost my great grandmother's diamond ring, for a month then, and it was giving me engagement ring panic. it would never be the same, it could never be. i told him i didn't want to say why i felt so weird, which of course, only makes the person want to know more. i didn't want him to feel bad but i was having ring panic and i didn't want to get engaged two days before the holidays in a mad rush.

did you ask my dad? well, has your mom been bugging you about it?!
and i died laughing, smiled so hard, curled up into a little ball.

(then it was thanksgiving, and then shopping, and art, and then a birthday-- right before we are headed over, his mom texted me a photo of my great grandmothers ring, 'is this yours?' his sister found it organizing their house, while i've been ripping mine apart looking for it. i started crying and had to pull myself together.)

and way before all this, little did i know all the plotting and planning he had been doing, during the busiest work season for him. i need to give him more credit. since day one, if a man wants to do something and it's important, no matter how shy or busy or awkward or strange it feels, they will get. it. done. almost six years ago he asked me on a date, and another, and another. huddle for warmth. a glass of wine in kramer's bookstore.

he thought of me, of My People. that i wanted a photograph. i said yes and turned to see a telephoto lens and a hat. oh, a photog! so perfect, we will have photos. i turn the corner to say hello and my college roommate takes off her hat and i absolutely lose my mind. we decided months ago we wanted to do this forever, that he had one of my most faves here to take beautiful photos and celebrate with us, i just couldn't believe it. and our friends were on the way to have dinner. and both sets of parents knew it was happening today, so we could enjoy the night.

my other fave took me out for manicures (she hates them) and gets a straight up academy award for giving nothing away when i started talking about said college roommate, who i had just mailed a letter to, when she knew full well i'd see her in twenty four hours.

they all got me SO GOOD and the fact that he thought of all this, the garden, the smithsonian, the art exhibit, the place where we almost didn't cross paths but we kept the faith. i just love it all so much, my heart is bursting (and yet i feel just like me) and i can't wait for more years together. and getting another day with my best friend, who took a seventeen hour train ride to be here, who scouted out locations and was texting all morning finding the best spots to hide, to get photos. i feel so lucky and proud to be so loved. and everyone loves him so much, too, that doesn;t hurt. my mom was so happy that that's what finally made me really cry. my brother said congrats, and meant it, and that he always wanted a brother in law.

*

to my love for organizing it all. for calling, for planning, for buying the most expensive thing he's ever bought in his life, for getting. that. shit done. he never hesitated, and it's so fun now to learn all of the secrets that have been going on (some of which i missed, some of which i was like hmmmm). for jumping so fast on getting his mom's ring for me all those months ago. for yesterday and his gorgeous shaking hands, for full names, for getting on one knee, for patience, for love, for asking for my parent's blessing even though we both think it's old fashioned but it's important to them, and My People matter to him.

it just says it all, doesn't it?

december 1 might just be my new favorite day.

(and today, laughing hysterically backing up hard drives, going through photos, laughing at any questions about the future, 'we're just enjoying the moment right now,' lemon tea with honey, getting to watch my insanely talented photo goddess make magic right in front of my eyes, holding hands and watching him do the dishes as we talked, our hotel talk about wow, this one, and everything else i'll remember. my beautiful card from my ls bestie, champagne sugarfina for me, and a gorgeous growler for my love. they've met us once or twice. tonight, driving home from the airport, going to our old sushi place, telling everyone we just got engaged, how fiancee sounds just right, the sparklers, having fun on our couch, ending this weekend so beautifully)

cheers to this moment right here, him calling from the other room, me calling back, i'm writing, i just want to write this all down.


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