today we played asshole and i won.

there's this funny boy. and he has glasses and this mop of blondeblonde mess. he grabs my nose & i semi-run my hand in his hair. laughing. he keep knocking his knee against mine under the table. we laugh at cards. he tells me to shhhhhhhh when i "freak out."

ive been singing it all over the place.

i love diana muchly. she is the cutest, nicest girl i know. so fucking cool. her boyfriend is super cool & we all hang out & play cards & laugh together {baracuda! me&diana getting all 3-8's & tito getting all the 2's -- damn him & my dealings haha}

&the boy calls me just enough slash not enough. we talk for hours and hours and hours. i love it. we're talking about downloading & music & good stuff & i download japan x & he says have you heard bob dylan? &i say no &he says ohh you should.

& today, he asks if i've gotten the music. a little of kurenai, i respond.

i want him to be so happy. but WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING WITH HER. she makes me jealous & i really, really hate that feeling. i see them walking together & just look at him & walk on by. because they're just friends or whatteverthefuckhesays. i get images of her sitting on his stomach &them holding hands.

it was months ago & i still see it.

i'm just really fucking tired of walking on by. of not letting anyone know how i feel. of not taking CHANCES.

but goddammit. this summer is going to be fucking amazing & i have hope & plane tickets & sunshine.


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