My thoughts fly so much faster than I can write them down. In thinking about why I want to write a zine or why I want to write or document is to share this I guess. {real eloquent. Really.}

The other day in the keys I felt good. I felt � someone could fall in love with me {i/ve been thinking about this often. Sometimes I feel so worthless, other times so much prettier than I am, or just so good about myself. That i/m cute and sweet and smart and why the fuck isn/t someone head over heels for me. i/m unsure: you can/t figure me out, you think it/s all on the surface, or you don�t want to try.} I tie my twizzlers in knots, I listen to lots of good music , I smile, im honest, I fall hard and love hard. I write, i/m interesting, {I/m well read and well traveled}, I want to do more. I have hopes, dreams, ambitions. I will be whatever I want to be. And I want to do SOMETHING {fulfilling. Wonderful. Helpful. Engaging. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.] {new page i think in circles:] something amazing. Fulfilling. Helping. Great.

I want to LIVE.

Thinking about marijuana�it/s weird be after being with Lauren so much � I almost feel like I want to try it. And that makes me angry with myself. I don�t need that shit � anything that could hurt my & my muscles & my brain. {No} {some night/s I just want to get out of this box. Drink what tastes good, dance til I can/t move. DANCE. Dance, dance. Dance around. Spin into oblivion, dance every impurity away. But not think about that, just get caught in the music and get myself out. You either fall in further or get the hell o.u.t.}

This music {see above] makes me think buses turning wheels rolling riding through cities and countries sunflower exhaust fumes it/s all good smiles wrapped up in parka; writing letters in italy, waterpolo girls. i/ll miss them so much.

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