trying not to waste all day mulling this over in my mind, wanting to come to a better conclusion than i don.t know what to do say act about this. this is less than a usual vulnerableness, because i can still be angry and indifferent, still am, i think. and that encapsulates this feeling, for once, i think: i think, but i don.t know.

[and trying to laugh about this, because it.s sort of funny in this break my heart this is one of the lesser liked feelings of the collection i hate you for hurting for me and wish we could just be best friends [maybe] if you.re even worth all that, any of that, any of this. in the using words like deflated, hopeless, huge loss. etc. laughing! because those aren.t the words! laughing!

laughing makes it better. really though: laughing and not even cracking a smile. not being able to.]


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