he.d put his head right next to mine and look into my eyes ///asking, what next? what next for what i said. from here he said. and then he drove me home and when we went past the same turn, we talked about the past like we always do.

he said, i.ve never been in your room. and there the silence sat.

sitting on the edge of the highway. this is my spot, he told me. we watched the cars and i leaned back.

i feel much better, i said, after coffee, after my stomach hurt from laughing so hard (homeworks and old teachers and your name....twentysix in a thick accent). i feel much better. do you want me to take you away? he asked as we walked out from the elf man who tried to force chocolate cake on me. yeah i said, quietly i think. that.d be nice.

the best and worst part of your day? worst. latin test i bombed. best. mm. this.

and of mine? and that.s when we sat in the car for twenty minutes and he told me not to worry about it, and that i had time, and just. "katie. you can go .anywhere. you want" and he went on like that. and i sat there, absorbing, trying so hard to believe. to realize. to know. to make sense of. but sometimes, it doesn.t work that way.

then he said, i have a plan, let.s go watch amelie and... (forget this. we.ll forget it all)

and with a pillow under my head, he put another my head and held it with his hand, which i found out as i put my hand on top of his and we stayed there for a while. existing. his hand warm and i could feel the blood in his veins. less than breathing and more than feeling.

then a thousand times i wondered why. (not.)


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