last night he had his hands all over me and his tongue in my mouth and it wasn't poetic or beautiful but it felt good to be warm and feel him pressing against me in the cold cold air. he wanted me a lot more than i wanted him, and that is sometimes a very nice place to be./

lately i define myself by the places i have lived and the places i have gone. i am a world traveler, i am from miami, i am from panama. it is safe and secure and will always be there as the places i've been, those homes. the magic. the ocean. familiar./

self esteem is something i've been writing a research paper on, something i've been thinking about for a while. /

i miss intellectual conversation. i miss my best friend. law and policy. someone to talk to about everything./

this whole semester i've been working so hard. this week i've been burnt out and doing too many drugs but feeling good and staying up too late and avoiding anything before 4:40pm/.

i am absolutely in love with my italian teacher and i'm going to miss that class so much. the language, culture, place-- i love it, my favorite country in europe, i want to go there and smoke pot and drink white wine and collapse on the beach and relax.

i need to be home to relax, to detox, to get back to myself. i am feeling a pushpull to leave or come back. but i need to leave. i know i do. and i am excited. about it. but putting off the actual decision right now. because it's scary./

adam says to me, you are brilliant and beautiful. he comes into my room at four am to talk, wakes me up by spooning me and telling me stories. ang and caro tell me i am their princess peach. my best friends are yoshi and my baby mushroom star. we live in this magical enchanted land and we inhale deeply and smoke fills our lungs and we run through the woods at night and the sky is full of stars and we live in castles and adventure into gardens and play in trees and we hang out with our friends bowser and luigi and explore new forests and the hidden levels of the gothic wonderland. our life in marioland./

lights will guide me home. i like the new coldplay and damien marley and his road to zion, bob marley says hit me with music, the good thing about music is when it hits you feel no pain. but we are full of pain and drama and when it rains it pours. and when i listen to all of those songs with memories, i feel my chest tighten./

today felt like last year, waking up late with too many stories to tell, laughing about the night before and a boy and his hands./



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