lately i have been finding myself spending my time trying to have the motivation to get to class, to get out of bed. saturday was a deep dark day and it sucked to realize i've been eating like shit and and feeling like shit and not been in the mood to exercise or walk or do anything productive unless it is absolutely necessary of me. i guess this is senioritis, but also just a breaking point for me. i am sick of things. i want change. i want something greater, and i think being accepted to law school, and imagining those possibilities has given me a greater scope to realize change is coming, and fast. i am sick of a lot of things and people, that is a simple fact. i am tired of routine and people who don't know when to stop, ridiculousness, migraines, not talking about it, passive-aggressive behavior, ensuing trust issues and just bad days that hit you like a truck that can involve absolutely none or all or a combination of all those things. the word i have come up for this is "shar." i've said it before & i'll say it again, we have our good days and our bad.

it's later at night, you've gone and i've met someone else. we're wrapped up and his roaming hands are warmer and smoother, his tongue darts in my mouth without your hesitation. hands on the small of my back just kill me, you've been outdone. he holds me and i am warm and comfortable.

writing feels good. making to do lists does and does not. i'm sorry i can't be the person to talk you down from your problems, but i couldn't and wouldn't put up with half the shit you do. in related news though, with some people, i have realized sometimes it's just easiest to tune them out and go on with your life, instead of making a point of things. the whole "don't sweat the small stuff" idea is different when you're living with people and to me, the little things matter.

i think i need more days of laying in the sun and listening to music.


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