when i throw something away, i add it to my grocery list. a grocery list i stick to, generally, at the store, because i have a budget that i also stick to, generally. i have a budget that i made, and yes, it includes manicures and pedicures (i am a lady) and also hair cuts, and money for yoga and a salad after. cab rides (for when i'm running late) and of course metro fare.

and i am learning i can be happy on very little, which really, is very much, and keeps me feeling rich. the touches here and there -- flowers (fake, from ikea) in my waterford crystal vase (a graduation gift) that make me smile everytime i see them, apple cinnamon candles (i don't usually vary from vanilla) that remind me of my mother baking, and the windows open, the crisp cool fall air, watching the leaves change color right outside my window. somewhere along this road i stopped feeling so goddamn entitled, and started feeling grateful. i am rich, or really, i have learned to feel rich with the things i have.

and i use the things i've learned to make me happy: i try to work my body the best i can, and my mind too -- i know how to bring myself down from a migraine, what to do during a panic attack. even though my legs will probably feel like jelly tomorrow, i know bikram was good for them, could feel my stomach, hips, stretching and shrinking and the way after a really long walk, i feel grateful for my feet.

in a way, i feel myself waking up, coming back to life. growing up.


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