1:55 am
i wrote that paragraph, threw on a dress, and went to buy gas and cigarettes. left a note: 'wanted to get some fresh air. am fine. -k'

someone at work tried to commit suicide last friday. i'm sad and blaming things and people and mostly just sad. not fine at all. eating a mini hersey's milk chocolate bar. painted my nails mint tonight. moon's out. june soon. riff raff. street trash. ee cummings poems. i want to porchsit so badly with my favorite. goddamn the miles.

on the drive i was thinking, i only know one person who might be awake right now and it's his girlfriend's birthday so i'm not going to text him. and that whole thing is kind of sad. one of the best things about my ex ex ex was that he was always up crazy hours, so if i ever couldn't sleep he was a phonecall away. "i've never felt so separate / then there's you, but that's so obvious." in college i had a pack of night owls to hang out with and i miss them, eating tacos and drinking beer and night swimming.

4:06 am
read some old words. went outside to watch it rain. smoked two cigarettes. all the red roses in the rain. wish i had my camera. the longest shower. finally tired. choosing the best book. reading more old words. this time of night has nothing for me anymore and that is fine fine fine. under the covers. tomorrow we go sailing and the sun will be bright. so good night, moon.


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