and now new apartments and new places and a familiar address and new running clothes and a new way to live in my favorite city. cooking effortless dinners and it's nothing so magnificient but good lord it's so nice not being a student anymore. not studying for the bar or for this or that. "blessed." "oh my god, you really do sound like a southern woman sometimes and i am not used to it." "i know, i miiiight have lived in the south just a tad too long. bless your heart."

i am running out of spaces to write and publish and exist without eyes and it makes me sad, makes me want to start over, makes me want to not write and then write and then not write and write again. i won a $100 visa gift card and i can't decide to use it on lululemon or christmas presents or therapy.

but today was a good day & i curled my hair & dressed up & worked without internet & knocked things off the to do list, which always makes me feel like myself. that feeling of finally doing something you've been putting off - for what reason, you know? for whatever reason? - and then you do it and it was so painless and why didn't you do it earlier and be nice and damn this feels great. it's so much easier to read than respond; to listen instead of talk.

chandler's line on friends: "she must love me more than i love her. what's wrong with me?! ooh, don't open that box."

all the little lights in the apartments in the city.
all the moves to be made and emails to be sent and miles to be run - and that last part makes me happy, makes me smile. because i've got a pool and the open road and music to jam out to along the whole goddamn way. singing don't worry about a thing. cooked dinner for my roommates and we lounged and talked about being fifteen, when Everything Mattered to an excruciating degree. so many stories.

see you soon, pandora, just not today.


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