9 hours of sleep. a long walk. it was 75, shoulders are not sunkissed but sunburnt. shorts and a sports bra and adidas, the reflection in the window, blue skies, flat stomach. relaxing. not feeling the stress of any to do's, then taking a little time here and there to make X phonecall, to answer X email, to write a little, to dream a little. without anxiety.

talking to my love.
driving over to see a movie in "civilization," my head on my mom's shoulder. laughing at the ridiculousness. recommended st vincent.
stopping giving into cravings. i am the boss. i am only buying this one thing at cvs, no matter how much i want or need anything else.
i want candy at the movie? okay, that's a thought, but no. having water. i'm the boss. i say. i love wanting something and then thinking, okay, but not right now, and staying steady on it. flexing that muscle. determined.
a morning of ease, an afternoon of working at it, at all of it.
walking laps to get to my mile goal.

talking to him, snapchatting, wanting him to hear me this happy, so happy.

spooning with the dogs.
taking another shower.
watching the americans.
now friends, then up for Early Mornings with my parents.

ordered my mom's mother's day present. she asked for a subscription to fine cooking, so i bought the max - 3 years.
wanted to order it for myself but didn't.
starting to sound like her? i should have my therapist read this.
we all seek praise from our parents.
my love asks for a gold star.

the light in the kitchen.
talking and laughing with ana, planting flowers.
walking along the creek, dad in the six wheeler, mom and i laughing and walking and talking, dogs in our wake.

it was good good love.
this was the perfect amount of time, not too much, just right.
feeling better.

i miss you, he says. every time i get in bed i miss you more. i can't wait for you to come home.
say more things like that.

(and this was an afterthought, 10pm, wanting him to hear me happy, bear witness to it.)

to quote you know who, today was a good day.



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