57

11.20.01back& forth
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i downloaded a bunch of corny christmas songs like brenda lee - rockin around the christmas tree and it basically has inspired me to write at all. "its 57 degrees and feels like christmas" quote by yours truly. actually, its blazing - im in my pjs and flippy downfeather shoes and i am just grinning cause this music is so funny! lmao. i even downloaded the nsync and 98 degrees (oh the irony) songs (gasp! gasp!). i feel like getting up and dancing the hell around. "its the best time of the year" i FUCKING LOVE CHRISTMAS. "everythings okay, merry christmas, happy holidays." i cant wait to read all the entries of jaded christmases and other people's problems..... are any of us EVER FUCKING SATISTFIED? it is the perpetual persuit of perfection and it is FUCKING unattainable. fuck sounds like a good word right now. i've been starting to hurl some of my own invectives in everyday speech (gasp. again). and so now my mom refuses to speak with me until my language stops. the old tactic of taking away $1 from my allowance for every 'bad word' is back. my shirt for st albans day is so gorgeous :) heeheehee. i cant wait. all the little kids come and we give them a christmas, santa, dancing, music, arts, food, fUN! i am a "whore" aka elf in erica's words. some of the girls who are fellow elves are cutting and ripping our shirts beyond bounds and will be rolling up their soffee shorts to a nonexistance. my shirt is so damn hot. oh back to invectives i got home from school [skipped 9th... mom picked me up... not so mad anymore i guess ?] and i realized i only got 1/7 interviews i needed for my project [i am also a girlscout whore. haha. i should make a ring about that. anyone know of any?] and i said daaaaaaamn it really slowly not even thinking and there is my little brother and he starts yelling m-oooooo-m she gets one dollar off allowance. he is cute but quite the dork. it must run in the family ?

OH! i went over to the l's and joe and marysue were there with poppy and frosty [our neighbors/close family friends family]. patrick and tommy are SO cute; patrick was telling me all about the dog [as if i didnt know haha... i played along it was so cute! ah i love him]. they were in the pool :) then me & marysue talked forever about school, scrapbooking, the kids, girlscouts, halloween.

speaking of my girl scout whoriness [lmao] i need to get my shit ..... uh i forgot how to spell this... okay i need to get it DONE. haha. we were playing ghost during 7th today and i kept thinking of words in spanish, not english. bad bilingual girl! . hrm. need to go revel in word train [except they cheat! ahfjhd and use the capitol of indonesia and ILLEGAL shit like that] and some anagrams. i am such a dork. revel is my new favorite word. josh sent catey that irreverent email right after the 'i revel in you' one.... so its kindof always in my head. that sounds so 'he said she said' -- the kind of thing that every limp bizkit song reminds me of. speaking of catey, reminder - i need info on rotary/interact. anyone in this club thing? tell me, teach me, enlighten me. learning=good. xo. god music is so FUCKING amazing. so, so, so. haha now its mariah belting out "all i want for christmas" ... we watched a sept11 thing OH ms czars powerpoint was so funny... want to learn more about turkey? wait for.... thanksgiving!!!!!!! hahaha. you know you love it. and magaba or something and all those smiley faces. and the turkish song lmao. [she is a foreign exchange teacher from turkey at my school and since its natl teacher/education something week she showed us a powerpoint about her school in turkey.... it was GORGEOUS.] and it was like, what do koruglu or whatever its called have that [insertmyschoolname] doesnt? ...... snow :( and then there were all these pictures of snooooooow and i wanted to be in colorado with grandma and grandpa and play in snow like i was five again. too bad grandpa's dead and it's not safe to get on a plane. -sigh-. en esta vida tan duro y dificil.... "its a tough life." the song barely breathing reminds me of sitting in my brothers room on the floor crying and gasping for air while that song randomly played on the radio. i feel like crying all the time [well actually just right this instant] just because i am so thankful and feel so ungrateful for everything.. for life. maybe it sounds cheesy but it is so powerful for me to realize.... hm, hm. my mom told me the other day that i was wasting my time on the internet & procrastinating and i flippantly told her i wasnt wasting a single minute of my life and to fuck off [well, omitting the last part]. not one minute of my life is a WASTE. and dont let anyone every fucking tell you that. ANYONE. EVER. FUCKING. DO. THAT. because you are worth more than that, worth more that the pain, numbness and rage.


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