geometric puzzle

11.16.01back& forth
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"never ever saw the northern lights ...never ever saw the stars so bright, in the farmhouse things will be alright" --phish EXHALE. inhale. you are breathing and so am i. we have so much in common already. i cant read your roaming eyes; the way you come into class and are just so cute... i'm talking about two of you. i can't decide. this indecision is based on the feeling of rejection...i'll wait until tomorrow to decide my feelings, put it off. this mood of mine is temporary i dont know. i want to write all about soulmates and love and things like becca and pam can, but i cant. i dont feel that. im just not ready to express that part of me because i dont even know what im trying to express, other than the fact that im saying what im typing outloud because of the indecision precision cutting into me. i-- its all a mess, i guess, and im saying this in a questioning, angrily doubting crinkling my forehead and watching my fingers type these words. music is pounding from the speakers and i can hear the waves flowing through the room; right through me, piercing me. and right now im staring at the remote control with blue buttons and blurred numbers and i feel like this is the time to cry but im not. a rebel once again, i say with a sarcastic smile. now the music has switched to alanis morisette, which somehow makes me cry. i have been listening to green day "time of your life" a lot now, and every time i do i DONT cry anymore. it makes me want to go out with friends and not worry about all the tangles and relations and fuctiong and circles and tangents and interpersonal my kind of geometry. all i think of venn diagrams and my hand is starting to cramp like th rest of my body and my fingers just keep flying over the keys because i dont want to stop this feeling. pause. but im back, bleeding sunsets (softxcore=<3) from fingers and cracking my neck because it feels good. "what took me so long" the music says to me. a"ive never felt this healthy before" "ive never wanted something rational" "i am aware now" and i am.......


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