believed

11.16.01back& forth
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i need to get all these feelings out of my system. i would like to be devoid for once. here we go. why the hell does everything have to be some damn rollercoaster ride? i am so sick of teenage drama and bitchiness.... and people complaining about everything. {haha hypocrisy}. but my hypocrasy is that i don't talk about how my friends have screwed me over or how my boyfriend is nonexistant or any other make believe shit i care to believe ALL THE TIME. all the time. andrew talks about his ex-g/f every minute because she is such a bitch and paranoid and bothers him ans spreads rumors about him and LA LA FUCKING LA. whew!

i just kept quiet and kept turning around when alex started screaming at everyone at the states and when he and gothic kept talking about their relationship shit. AHHHHHHHHHHHH. it was driving me crazy. "although i am a raging heterosexual" (i read that somewhere so im quoting it), i wanted to fucking kiss alex when she was like, 'is this ALL we have to talk about?!' ...cause we are ALL getting tired of this male angst thing. haha diva angst (<3).

alright enough. i feel so much better when i just stick my foot in and get involved with plans. but still be quiet about it. i am learning. and its FUCKING FUN. :) today i was going to go w. the girls and everyone to the movies afterschool and me and steph had it all planned out and after we dropped her off after states [i love THE MASK! chikiboom chikiboom LMFAO. we watched it on the way over and i cant sit down...im in so much pain cause i did 50 mb squats...not half squats; my butt was touching the ground. i think of the marines quote ("pain is weakness leaving the body") every time i sit down, im like, bye weakness, hELLO buff-ness. haha GOOD MORNING...its another painful exercise] so me and steph had a whole plan an then neither of us could go! haha, she has to babysit and i had to get my haircut [just got back....it is still too long. i wanted it all chopped off. chopped off= above my shoulders haha].

today was great, went to the tennis courts and everyone was being so nice. it was just great. i eat with 93480295734 billion people at lunch and just keep moving from inside to outside at the tables to the grassy quad to the bandroom back to the cafeteria and its so damn fun. i told tahlia i couldnt go to u2 with her...how sweet is she. :) nicole was gone today in the morning - i need to write her an email. shes nice too. okay so at the tennis courts we were all talking and i was saying how me & steph couldnt go & everyone was like awwww and i was explaining the whole haircut thing & that i wanted it SHORT :) they said i should cut my hair shortshort and dye the ends pink or green and that it would match my eyes! i was like, hahaha :) maybe i will senior year for waterpolo states. lmao.

going to swimming states was awesome; ana came & brought me a sweatshirt & $ and me and ems split and smoothie, me and alex worked out and then ate candy hahahaha and then got on the bus and watched the mask. WEEEEEEEEE steph knew every word to the whole movie. she is so nice when it is just SSG (sophmore swim girls) or just me & her but at school she is nonresponsive to me...its kindof odd. please dont let this turn into another morgan situation. she is such a fucking bitch dont get me started. and i say that as if i would actually say it outloud. my online writing are (surely) littered with invectives but i hardly EVER hurl them in actuality - it takes a lot to get me say fuck. so if you ever call me and i say fuck youll know. i think they make the person sound uneducated; as in, cant you please think of another word. so if you ever call me and say fuck youll know what im thinking. isnt that cool to KNOW what a person is thinking? ...we never reeally know, though.

& i love listening to music on random.


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