i also got my haircut from someone that wasn't jean for the first time in about seven years, and the woman that did my hair (debbie) was super blonde, fake boobs, wife of a cop. she went to dc for her 40th birthday -- oh god, just as i write this i can see this being such a short story. she got through a security checkpoint with a gun in her car, and then also referenced when her husband arrested her brother for a DUI. oh, small towns. she also told me about her husband finding his birthmom ("wow." "really?" "oh my gosh." "how wonderful.") this was approximately an hour after getting your icebox text, which had me in stitches as we were driving by the lake - oh, the glorious, three-minutes-from-the-house-lake, my kindred spirit (or soul animal, perhaps, as much as a body of water can be an animal, and well, that is very much indeed).

so i am an ocean, and also as i read back on this email, perhaps noticeably under the influence.
i can see the next campaign: "don't try to sleep and email,"

xox/kec

ps - this might have been something i would have sent or not sent to c. but now i am sending it to you. it's doesn't take much to unpack that suitcase: i love you.

pps - this letter might've been something i would've turned in as a creative writing assignment in college- but with more debbie details, and how i afterwards, as i was at my parents new home (emphasis) and waiting for her and alex to pick me up, i wandered into a thrift store and found movies i know you like, movies you might like, and an unopened dvd of napoleon dynamite, which you haven't seen and i think you'd hate, but i love it and it makes me laugh because i was watching it with people i loved, people who were laughing, and all the jokes of the past six months had to to with that movie that i still hadn't seen.

i also found a ferregamo cardigan - cream wool that looks expensive and feels heavenly, not an itch in sight, silver and gold buttons. "it looks like a tory burch sweater," said my mother, which was an insult, i think, but you know my love of TB, it is ingrained within my very soul - oh chocolate leather and gold signature reva ballet flats, how you have my heart. now to decide what color i will get next... patent leather in black... or red... really the grey stingray ones are my favorite. i think i will designate you the contact person of when i actually buy my new burches that i promised myself for getting through the fall semester, especially finals time. david says i should reward myself more, recognize the things i do well, recognize all the times i push myself to do things i might not want to do, but need to do. and use that reward to motivate me to a goal.

hmm. i think i might just use you as a reward, darling dearest!. and visit you when i have gone to the gym 20x. and since i want to see you in jan/feb that could be perfect. i have been daydreaming about going to the gym - visualizing myself getting ready, water bottles, towels, tunes at the ready .... and i just got on my floor and did 25x25x25 crunches - regular, legs bent, then left oblique, then, right oblique. then 20x10x10 leg lifts, once on each leg. leg left coming down to knee almost touching floor and then kicking back into a leg lift , then 10 high in the air leg lifts, 10 foot at its highest point mini leg lifts. yesterday i did 20x10x10 crunches. everything builds on everything else. the good thing about having been an athlete at one point in my life is that these things feel natural. pushing through pain, exhaustion feels natural.

but the feeling i had, in panama, swimming in the pool, i felt so graceful and lifted and light. afterward, curled up on the sofa, went hair pulled into a bun, legs tangled, i felt smooth and younger and like i used to in highschool after finishing swim practice. and my mother told me later, it was so beautiful to watch you swim, and my brother said, you're lazy. are you going to swim more?

and i did. and not just because he said it.

i have thought today, "with an iphone, now i have no excuse to go workout, to feel healthy and feel positive and feel less stressed and feel good that i can achieve goals i set for myself, because when i go to set the next one, i can think, see, remember when you wanted to do XYZ and then you planned to do it and then you did it? what is better than that!" because i can watch movies or tv on my ipod, so.

it is 2010 and it is 2:52am and this is the lastest i've gone to sleep in a while. way past my bedtime. goodnight.

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