on july days & beach nights

07.13.14back& forth
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eleven to fourteen hours days in the office. world cup fever. univision on second monitors, everyone cheering. chop't salads & chipotle & five guys fries. lunch breaks to momji for plates of sushi on a sunday, my brief hour to sit on a patio with my love and catch up, flowers in their pots, little string lights up above.

this weekend we went to the beach, three days off, the first day i've had off since the fourth, since i can't remember when. bless people who work fourteen hour days every day every week, my god, eating every meal at my office is depressing. but my coworkers are awesome, make me laugh so hard, and all the craziness is forgotten in a day, a week, a lovesong or two. a vacation let's you forget it all in flash. and i was so happy tonight to get home from the beach early, run some laundry, and go to whole foods like a Real Person.

but the beach, the beach. healed me. as ever. made me question everything and made me the happiest i can remember. and then i got a text and everything changed and i lost my abuelo. i sat in the tent and dan
held me and watched me shake and cry and asked me all about him. it was weird, getting this news and trying to move on. grief is weird and i cried a lot and talked to my mom in a parked car for an hour because it was the brief spot where i got cell service. and then water walks and swimming and diving through each and every wave. helping me remember and forget all at the same time. a grilled cheese made over the fire. s'mores and my love bringing me gluten free graham crackers. the smell of a campfire. a weird and perfect place for grief. smashing maryland crabs for the first time (!) and staring out the window trying to act Normal and not cry. everyone giving me crab legs, do they like me? they like me. my love making me laugh when he knows i'm trying to hold it together.

and now it's sunday and i'm home and lobster red, meals in the fridge, donut peaches and cherries ready for the morning. his cereal and chai ready to go. and in a week, maine. to see my pink haired manic pixie dream girl love of life. to yoga and long walks and so much lob-stah.

tell the people you love you love them. every day is a gift. i'm lucky i had my abuelo as long as i did, got to spend this past christmas eve night listening him tell stories late into the night. so fucking lucky.


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