first, the best poetry, music:

*
And years from now when this old light
Isn't ambling anymore
Will I bring myself to write
"I give my best to Springville Hill"

But once upon it
The yellow bonnets
Garland all the lawn
You were waking
Day was breaking
A panoply of song

*

It is june, a june hymn to welcome in the day, like the song by the decemberists.

last night i was in bed, watching videos from the last year on my phone. so many made me smile. the sunshine. the woods. tree cover. dogs. cooking. my husband laughing. dressed up to dinner. the slices of scenes of a city. flag waving outside the portrait gallery. laughing about forest bathing. concerts. dinner. game nights.

the new taylor bridge is one of her best ever. the entire song has so many callbacks.
'how long could we be a sad song
'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life?
I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy
And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier
Fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me
I'm the best thing at this party (You're losin' me)
And I wouldn't marry me either
A pathological people pleaser
Who only wanted you to see her'

I have been listening to it on a loop.

yesterday i went to a workshop about chronic pain and it was eye opening. thinking about 'me & my dog' and ace the dog during a loving kindness meditation. 'i wish you a life of ease.'

'i think i've been having revelations' - boy genius, not strong enough

something something something about the life i had imagined, with a lake house and an escape hatch and music playing.

the richest life. and yet. i wake up with total and full control over my time. no one tells me where to be, where to go. i move my muscles and stretch and strengthen, i pace and listen to music and sit and read small bites of books. at night i take my vitamins in their specifically regimented order, yet i feel free.

i feel free. is there any rich greater than this?
things making me happy: making friendship bracelets. engineering chat gpt prompts for efficiency, content generation regarding mental health, linked-in optimization. fuck, i love learning. i love psychology.

'are there still beautiful things?' - ms. swift, seven
making lists tucked into books. i always liked a secret. i have a little velvet notebook with secrets in it that i keep in a safe, just because.
i still like them, crave them, slip them into tomes for future me to find.

'romanticize a quiet life' - ms. bridgers, i know the end

things that give me life:
seven minute workout
coffee, protein shake, ice water
stretches and PT RX (i love how i think of this like a prescription)
adding italian lessons to my every day
gratitude practice
going to a carwash where you don't get out. the absolute JOY this brought me was unparalleled
first pool day of the summer, feeling connected to my body and this earth and the water
the familiarity of it all

*
then there is this other life, the observed life, lived outside books--

"My lady, won't you meet me in late-afternoon window frames of a city in decline? Children cannonball the swimming pools. Sunlight sleeps in the driveways of the neighborhood. Laughter caught in this slant of light. This is a past that will never grow old. The only narcotic we need is the radio program at dusk." - secret-motel

you will never have the perfect amount of information. might as well begin.


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