you know what? i was scared to turn in my thoreau project. i exposed myself so completely i was really fucking scared. that kind of nervous fluttery feeling. i think i would like to post it here. it seems fitting. ?.

saints and sailors is in my head all the time. i love when i keep my mp3s on shuffle and seven dashboard confessional songs come on in a row because my playlist is saturated with their songs. ew. i have a feeling it is going to doublespace these lyrics. ehhhh i dont feel like putting < br > in between every line. life goes on. 0H. i said something to my parents last night that made me feel like i was in a movie. "i dont want to spend time explaining this to you, i'd rather be saving the world" and then i walked into the computer room and blew them a dramatic kiss. it was somewhat empowering? i dont know what the hell im talking about so let me just quote some dashboard.

Saints And Sailors.

This is where I say I've had enough

and no one should ever feel the way that I feel now.

A walking open wound,

a trophy display of bruises

and I don't believe that I'm getting any better.

Waiting here with hopes the phone will ring

and I'm thinking awful things

and I'm pretty sure that few would notice.

And this apartment

is starving for an argument.

Anything at all to break the silence.

Wandering the house

like I've never wanted out

and this is about as social as I get now.

And I'm throwing away the letters that I am writing you

'cause they would never do,

I would never do.

So don't be a liar,

don't say that "everything's working"

when everything's broken.

And you smile like a saint

but you curse like a sailor

and your eyes say the joke's on me.

its funny because i smile like a saint... no one ever sees me like a sailor. except maybe my mom. i need to stop being such a bitch rollercoaster to her. she doesn't that deserve that. NO ONE DOES. no one. no one. no one. i am just going to keep repeating that to myself. and keep thinking about how its not people who change, it's me. me, me, me. i am safe and warm, wrapped up in my comfy fleece. i am relaxing and reading and learning. and that's AWESOME.

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