beauty

11.28.01back& forth
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..& how everything is beautiful when you look at it in the right light.

we were all laying out in the grass and he came and plopped down next to me & alex and my head was almost on his arm and stomach and i was just laying there thinking if i dont lay with him i will regret it later. he was asking why i was laying facedown in the grass, was i eating it? so i flipped over and put my head on his stomach and we just started talking. and i was laughing because he was saying i was laying on his ribs so i scooted down a little and he said .. now, uh, nevermind. (just like the master writer, i feel like inserting a big "LOL" in here rightnow). he & andrew had been throwing ice at us earlier. and he is really cute. i am so attracted to laughter.

today on the tennis courts i was talking to tito. he is very nice. andy makes me laugh. i think he is in love with diana. she is going out with his best friend. this all feels so highschool drama-ish she likes him he likes her. & boys are cute. after last year, liking everyone all the time; getting over 6years of a 'love'; beginning of this year, when people asked who do i like (the swimming cirle of trust) i really couldnt say anyone and now? so many guys seem (seem) nice & sweet & funny & interesting. is this just an illusion like everything else?

what will it be like without everyone, everywhere, everyfeeling right here, right now? i can't even begin to imagine... but i think i will cry, and smile, and realize that life is not the success, the accomplishment, but how you get there. and i dont even mean to paraphrase every poem & odyssey ever written. its just that i love that i have the chance to live my life. to just live. i feel so damn blessed.

/blush ? i need to think of a /name.


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