jolt

12.14.01back& forth
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its like i told lucille <3 :

eh i know how you feel. i was up until 3 am last night & had to wake up at 6.. and well. i didn't. my parent tried to wake me up and i never responded at all..slept through everything. finally i hear them calling and open my eyes. they leave me, thinking i am up for good. & i rolled back over and went back to sleep. my dad came in screaming and said he was leaving me (that was the first thing i heard) and then i just figured, fuck it. im going back to sleep if he's leaving.

i wake up everyday wishing it was still night & i was still asleep. eh so then he got back at 7:45 from taking the other kids to school (it was his week of carpool) and sees me sleeping and goes ballistic. he ripped the covers off my bed and so i jolted up ala frankenstein. he said i could fucking find my own way to school - take a taxi. so i basically got all dressed and everything ready and went in and talked to him. i apologized and i started going pretty ballistic myself because its our last real day before finals and i had two tests and so many other things to do and i just started yelling and crying my eyes out, which was not a pretty sight. i dont think ive ever said the word fuck to my dad but i must have said it ten times. and in the car, he tried to lecture me about how "the other kids" never stay up late and are always on time and i said IM NOT FUCKING PERFECT and im not them. and such and the like and he dropped me off. he said all this shit about how my mom gave up on me and left (what the hell?) and i felt so bad.... grr :x the whole way in the car i was thinking what the fucking fuck (haha) am i going to tell school? oversleeping is an unexcused absence and (i found out later) you get dentention for that (ive never been in detention in my life... and so i didnt know WHAT to do.... cause if you lie to the school in honor code things and then tell the truth you can get expelled because they dont have 'trust' in you anymore, but if you tell the truth you get punished or whatever. only i would think about getting expelled because i overslept... but basically, i got a 'pending' unexcused cause i didnt know i had to have a note or something. i told the truth - that i was so sick i couldnt get out of bed and i didnt feel so bad because this girl andrea had done the same thing (except her mom let her) and she got her pass right before me. i called my mom's cell and said that i knew she wasnt picking up because she didnt want to talk to me but that id try her later cause i really needed to talk to her... i called her later in the day and she said she called school that morning when she left to take my brother because she wasnt sure what dad would do and that she wouldve picked up her cell, she was helping bonnie pick out paint colors (shes a designer), sounding kindof shocked i would say that. sometimes, mom's know exactly what to say. as do friends. i was walking to my locker right after i got my pass that morning and i walk by the posse and morgan's like heyyyyyy and she gave me an xmas cute bloomies bag with santas on it - that made my day cause i really miss our friendship. & then im walking down the hall, wiping the tears out of my eyes and xboy comes out the door and is talking to people and he was laughing and saying 'and then you go BOP' and bopped me... i cant explain this but he is just so cute and i started grinning cause he is just -so- funny to look at. you would seriously start cracking up at the mere sight of him.. ah :) at lunch we were talking and he was throwing ice at tahlia and i was deflecting the shots (we've had enough ice wars just me & him.... so he decided to get tahlia in on the action haha). i dont know, it just makes me happy to see him. wow wow this is going to be really long... i just felt like i could type everything and tell you everything because... i dont know exactly. this is just so comforting. iloveu thanks for listening x&o.


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